Claymore Academy
by Death Chariot
Summary: Claymore Academy, the best all-girls private school that money can buy. And some poor schmuck has found himself enrolled into it. Crack. AU. OOC?
1. Chapter 1

**Claymore Academy Chapter I**

**Raki's Title: My first day sucks.**

**Claire's Title: What the hell, Jean?!**

Claymore Academy, the pride of Sutafu City, envy of other schools everywhere. A prestigious Institution of quality learning, boasting state of the art learning, the best faculty, the cleanest facilities, extensive extracurricular activities, etc, etc. Yes, Claymore Academy the greatest all-girls private school that money can buy! Well, that last part wasn't _technically _true anymore as right at this very moment, an exception to the rule was walking towards the front gates. An exception. That is, someone whose Y chromosome marked as an anomaly, someone whose every instinct _screamed _that they did not belong here, an Adam among Eves! Yes, my dear friends, right at this moment a poor schmuck had found himself enrolled in an all-girls private school. His name was Raki, and this is (mostly) his story.

Raki stared at the rather intimidating golden front gates of the school, with anxiety and no small amount of fear. For the hundredth time today, he wondered how and why the hell this happened to him. Oh wait, he knew _why _this happened to him. It was because Uncle Rubel was a cheapass jerk.

Uncle Rubel was part of the board of directors in the school, and he had (barely) taken care of Raki and his two older sisters, Claire and Teresa, after their parents had died six years ago. And he was cheap. Very cheap. When Raki graduated from junior high last year, Uncle Rubel had declared that Raki was going to go to Claymore Academy because there was no way in hell he was going to pay for another school, and it was perfectly fine for a male like Raki to enroll because Uncle was part of the board, and therefore could do whatever the hell he wanted. And tuition would be free too! Besides, continued Uncle Rubel, Claire and Teresa were already attending Claymore Academy and it was better for the little brat,er,young man to be with his sisters.

What was worse was that Claire had agreed wholeheartedly to this plan. Claire was what you would call "overprotective" of her little brother. Teresa had just sighed, knowing that whatever she said, she couldn't change anything.

So here he was, staring terrified at a gate like an idiot. He gulped. No use just standing here. He should look at the bright side! The education here was the best! And, um...okay, so there was not much of a bright side. But still...he could do this!

And so, feeling like he was about to faint, Raki walked through the gates.

+++++ SCENE +++++

Claire was in a good mood. Not that you would know it, since her face was as blank as ever. But yes, she was in a good mood. For once in his long and cheap life Uncle Rubel had finally made a decision that she agreed with! Now, she could look after Raki even in school! Bullies beware!

...But that was for a later time. Presently, though, she had to unpack their stuff into the (huge) dorm that would be their new home for the remainder of their education in Claymore Academy.

Uncle Rubel, in another of his miserly moments, had decided that since all three of them were going to the same school, might as well live there! it would save him the money that would be used for things like, blagh, water, electricity...The cheap bastard.

Anyway, Teresa had left earlier that morning , to do some Student Council work or something. Leaving Claire with the task of unpacking. Fortunately, Claire had the brilliant idea of calling her friend Jean for help.

Now, Claire and Jean were hard at work unpacking.

"Thanks for the help." said Claire, as she was putting a big box of kitchen utensils in the room's built in kitchen (told you it was huge.).

"It's nothing. I'm glad to help." replied Jean, who was singlehandedly carrying a crate that would have taken all three siblings to move. Jean was a _strong _girl.

"Anyway, sorry to bother you."

"I wasn't bothered. I was actually sitting next to my phone, hoping that you'd call."

"..."

"_What?"_

Jean was a good friend, but boy was she...um...clingy. They had been friends since they were freshmen, when Claire had lent Jean some money for lunch, as she had accidentally left her lunch at home. Since then_, _Jean had pledged her UNDYING LOYALTY to Claire. And yes, those were her exact words.

Claire sighed. "Let's get this over with."

"Right!"

++++++ SCENE +++++++

Raki had got to hand it to the people in charge. This school had _style. _The gates led to a humongous park/garden that sprawled all around him, white marble buildings occasionally popping up here and there, and right in the middle of it all, a giant fountain with statues of the Twin Goddesses.

Unfortunately, he couldn't enjoy the scenery much because of two things.

One, the girls were all staring at him. Well, that was to be expected since he was (A) a dude, and (B) in their school with a modified-for-guys uniform. Still, that didn't make it any better, as it only reminded him of how out of place he was.

And of course the bigger problem: He was hopelessly lost. Seriously. Damn big school. So, he just walked around aimlessly like a moron, too afraid of asking for directions. Damn, he knew he should have waited until Claire was done unpacking.

...And that was when IT happened. He heard a voice, as melodious as bird song.

"Heeeeeeeeeeey~! Is that a **boooooy?**"

He turned towards the direction of the voice. And his blood froze.

Walking directly towards him was a rather cute blond girl, her hair in a braided ponytail. She was wearing the school uniform, albeit a few sizes too small, showing off her "assets", and her smile was as bright as the sun. And Raki was terrified. TERRIFIED. Why was that? Oh, probably because of the huge baseball bat with nails sticking out of it that she was carrying.

Raki briefly wondered how the hell she was allowed into the campus with that THING. And then he thought that the guards were probably as terrified of her as he was. Then, to his utter horror, the girl was right there. In front of him. Stroking his face.

"Helloooooo~! What's a cutie like you doing here? Care for some _company? _I'm Ophelia, by the waaaay~!"

_Dear Twin Goddesses, let me survive this and I will do my chores without complaint forevermore!_ Raki prayed desperately.

" I...I'm Raki." he replied, hoping that he would not wet his pants.

Ophelia continued stroking his face, giggling slightly.

"You still haven't answered me, cutie~!"

The part of his brain that wasn't frozen in fear noted that the other girls seemed to have fled to safety, leaving him all alone with Ophelia. So much for school spirit.

No, he had to get out of this alone. With only his brain. He did not like those chances.

"Um...I w-would l-like to Miss Ophelia..b-but...HEY LOOK A BEAR!"

Fortunately for him, Ophelia didn't seem to be the smartest tool in the shed, so that pathetic attempt actually worked. And when she was distracted, he promptly ran like hell in the opposite direction.

++++++ SCENE +++++++

Claire and Jean had finished unpacking, and Claire was on the couch, sipping her favorite tea. _A few more minutes and I'm off to class. _she thought. But still, she had a nagging feeling she was forgetting something.

...Wait. Where was Jean? She didn't leave yet, did she?

Feeling slightly worried, Claire called out to here. "Jean? Where are you?"

Jean's voice immediately answered from somewhere inside. "Right here!"

Wait. Jean's voice was coming from _Claire's room. _What was she doing in there?!

Confused, Claire made her way to her room...to find Jean lying on her bed.

She stared. "What are you doing?"

Jean smiled. " I warmed it for you? Want to climb in?"

Claire's eyes twitched.

"Jean."

"Yeah?"

"**Out. **_**Now."**_

_**++++++ SCENE +++++++**_

Meanwhile, Raki was running as fast as he could. He didn't know if Ophelia was still after him, nor did he care. He just had to distance himself as far as possible from her. And that's when IT number two happened.

He bumped into someone, sending them both to the ground.

As he landed, his hands accidentally grabbed something _soft._

...And of course, any self-respecting anime fan would know what will happen after this particular shoujo cliche.

"Ow." said a feminine voice.

"Ah! I'm sorry, miss!" Raki, cursing every anime deity he could, jumped to his feet and helped the girl up.

"N-no, I wasn't looking, it's alright."

Raki finally had a good look at the girl he had bumped into. And to his eyes, she was seriously cute. Brown hair, brown eyes, with a cute little blush, her slightly-wider-than average forehead actually adding to her cuteness. And she looked so gentle and innocent, unlike that psycho from earlier.

"Still, I'm really s-sorry." he stammered, now cursing his damn teenage hormones.

" No, I said it's alright..." the girl stopped abruptly and stared at him.

"Um..something wrong?"

"...You're the new male student, right?"

"Um...yeah." Great. First day here, and there were already rumors about him!

She looked away. "S-sorry, I didn't meant to stare."

"Er..."

He had no idea what to say. Oh, wait, he hadn't introduced himself yet.

"...Um, it's Raki."

"Excuse me?"

He blushed. Accursed hormones!

"M-my name. It's Raki."

She smiled.

" I'm Priscilla."

**End Chapter I**

_A/N: Yes, I do ship Raki X Priscilla. Very much. And yes, I know It's so damn shoujo._


	2. Chapter 2

Claymore Academy Chapter II

Raki's title: I'm not the only male?!

Claire's title: My friends are weird.

Teresa of the Faint Smile, as the student population called her, was, if the mumblings of her peers was to be believed, the absolute _queen _of the school. I mean, she was the best at _everything. _Academics, athletics, popularity, she made it all looks so easy, her trademark faint smile never leaving her face. Hell, she had enough pull that she could give orders to Student Council, even though she was, you know, NOT EVEN A MEMBER. But none of that even mattered to her, if you can believe it. She seemed almost bored with everything in school, and not even her legion of fangirls swayed her.

No, the only thing that Teresa was genuinely interested in was the safety and happiness of her two siblings. Which was why as Student President Irene kept babbling on and on about the new programs that she was planning to implement, Teresa's thoughts wandered to Claire and Raki. She was worried about them, _especially _Raki. If she had had her way, he wouldn't even be in this school, but the Cheap Bastard just _had _to screw with his high school life, the poor kid.

"Teresa?! Are you even listening?!" demanded Irene.

Teresa sighed. Why the hell did Irene even insist that she be here? Oh, she really hoped that they were alright...

+++++Scene+++++

As it turned out, Teresa had no need to worry for Raki, at least for now. By sheer coincidence, it so happened that Priscilla was in the same class as him, and she had offered to show him the way to their classroom. Raki, relieved as he was, found this turn of events extremely convenient. He wondered if some higher power was controlling his fate in the school. Obviously, the boy had no idea that they were all puppets being manipulated by a dark and sadistic creature, namely the author.

On their way to the classroom, Priscilla had given him a mini-tour of the campus, which he could now appreciate because he wasn't lost anymore, and there was no psychopath chasing him. The strange people that he saw on the way were numerous, and included but were not limited to: The psychopath from earlier who was busy harassing some random girl. He didn't know what she was going to do with that cactus, and he did not want to find out. There was also a really pretty girl who seemed to have the uncanny ability to detect and avoid anything that was a threat to her perfect look. How someone could avoid every single drop of a spilled bottle of coke that was heading straight for them was beyond him. And finally, there was a girl who was downright _macho. _Seriously, Hulk Hogan would be intimidated by those muscles. Bad enough that he was being forced into an all-girl school, but now he finds out that there was a girl who was more masculine than he could ever hope to be. It was like the universe was intentionally emasculating him!

Finally, Raki and Priscilla reached their class, 1-B. Trying his best to ignore the stares that he was getting from his female classmates, Raki took a seat at the very back of the room, near the window. And much to his great surprise, Priscilla took the seat right next to him.

"Huh?"

She giggled. "What's with that look? I thought that you'd like someone to talk to. It must be hard for you to be in the school..."

"Um...thanks, but why? N-not that I'm complaining or anything...I m-mean you're really nice..." Oh great, he was babbling. Now he looked like even more of a loser. She probably felt sorry for him.

"Do you need a reason to help someone?"

...Wow. He didn't expect _that_ answer. "...Thanks, then."

She smiled, and he couldn't help but smile back.

+++++Scene+++++

Claire sighed in relief as the lunch bell rang. Well, that was a pointless lesson. I mean, she had already read everything on her science textbook and that teacher was a creep. The way that he was looking at those girls...

Anyway, after Claire had unceremoniously showed Jean the front door, she had headed straight for class where she had to endure said pointless lesson. Her day wasn't really working out at all, was it?

Claire sighed yet again as she packed up her things and made her way to the big apple tree in the middles of the school grounds, where her and her friends usually hang out. Her group of wonderfully strange (in her opinion) friends were already there.

Miria was sitting on the bench at the base of the tree, reading a book. She nodded in greeting when Claire arrived. Miria, a junior, was the unofficial leader of the group that Helen occasionally called the Fab Four. Incredibly smart, amazingly charismatic, and awesome at track and field, that was their Miria. Unfortunately, her perfectionist attitude and OCD sometimes made her a pain to be with.

Deneve, standing there with her arms crossed, also nodded. Deneve, like Claire, was a Sophomore. She was always the quiet one, not as noticeable as the others, always in the background. But she had a very important job in the Fab Four. In her own words, she was the one who had to "smack the stupid out of her friends." Mostly Helen.

...Which brings us to the last member of the Fab Four, who was crouched and poking something in the foliage with a stick. Helen was the loudest of the group, always with the jokes and the teasing, and the occasional threat of bodily harm to whoever got in the way of her and her apples. Helen loved apples. A lot. And although you wouldn't know it, she was into gymnastics. The girl was _flexible._

"Hey, guys. Had a good summer?" Claire greeted, before taking a seat next to Miria.

"Same old." replied Deneve. "Helen got in trouble for underage drinking again."

"Hey! I told you not to tell anyone!" grumbled Helen, still poking whatever was in the foliage.

"...Like it would be a big surprise?" commented Miria.

"I resent that!" complained Helen, giving the thing a particularly hard poke.

"...Hey, what are you poking anyway?" asked Claire.

"A caterpillar. It looks so weird~!" she scooted over, giving Claire a view of the fat gray caterpillar with a few loose folds of skin in what she assumed was it's head.

"Leave it alone, Helen." sighed Claire.

"Always the environmentalist, huh, Claire?"

"...Helen. Please stop aggravating the strangely phallic-looking creature." said Miria, with a completely straight face, as she turned a page in her book.

No one said anything for a few seconds. Then Helen burst out laughing.

"Goddesses, Miria! That sounded so _wrong!_"

Claire sighed yet again. She wondered why she hung out with these people. But then as she looked them over, she thought that she wouldn't have things any other way...

+++++Scene+++++

When the lunch bell rang, Raki and Priscilla were already fast friends. He was even beginning to think that maybe this wasn't so bad.

They were walking side-by-side, on their way to the mess hall, when yet another fateful encounter happened. And it started, yet again, with a voice.

"HEY! WHO'S THAT WITH MY PRISCILLA?!"

Raki froze. Wait, that was a _male _voice. Was he imagining things?!

Priscilla, for her part, facepalmed. "Oh, no..."

Raki didn't understand what she was so upset about, but since this was the school who let that psycho in, he had to be prepared for anything.

He looked around, and he couldn't believe his eyes. The two people who were walking towards them were honest-to-goodness MALES.

The first guy might have LOOKED feminine, with his long silver-ish hair and eyes, but as he was wearing the same modified-for-guys uniform that Raki was, it was easy to figure out his gender.

The other dude had dark hair and a bored expression, he followed the silver-haired one with a sigh, as if he really didn't want to be here.

The two guys reached them, and immediately the silver-haired one began choking the hell out of Raki.

"WHO ARE YOU?! WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH MY SISTER?!"

Priscilla actually hit the guy. "Isley! Cut it out! He's my _friend!_"

Isley glared at Raki, who could not speak, as his throat was still being crushed by Isley's hands. He was stronger than he looked...

Priscilla hit him again. "Isley."

Isley sighed. "Looks like Priscilla likes you. Fine then."

He dropped Raki, who sputtered out something incoherent which sounded like: "What the hell is wrong with you?!"

Glaring at Ilsey, Priscilla helped Raki massage his throat. "I'm sorry. He's my stupid brother...I'm so sorry."

Raki had recovered enough to speak, albeit in a raspy voice. "You're...her brother? Wha...what are you doing in this school?"

Isley looked at him suspiciously. "Yes. My name is Isley. This is my friend Rigaldo."

Rigaldo nodded at him, still looking bored.

"As for why I am here...I enrolled myself! Anything is possible if one has enough money!"

Knowing Uncle Rubel...yeah, he could believe that Isley paid himself in.

"And I dragged Rigaldo into the school as well! I have need of a minion,er,friend."

"...Asshole." grumbled Rigaldo, almost inaudible.

"...And why did you enroll yourself into an all-girls school?"

A crazy light seemed to glimmer in Isley's eyes.

"Why, to take care of my dear Priscilla, of course! Look at her! Isn't she the most adorable-"

Priscilla, a look of alarm on her face, tried to cut him off. "U-um! No need to give him The Speech!"

But Isley wasn't stopping. Rigaldo looked at her with pity...

"-little angel, _ever?!_ Look at her! Look at her, I say! Is she not _PERFECTION?!_ And the way she gets all excited whenever she watches those magical girl shows she loves! How she cheers for them! How she takes to heart everything they stand for!"

Priscilla looked mortified. And Raki wished he could stop himself from hearing it, as to spare her the humiliation. But...

"How could I, her brother who loves her more than life itself, how could I not wish to protect her from everything in this vile world?! HOW?! NO SACRIFICE IS TOO GREAT FOR SUCH A NOBLE CAUSE!"

"...Isley, you're ranting in public again." muttered Rigaldo.

Priscilla looked like she wanted to commit suicide.

Wow, and Raki had thought _Claire_ was overprotective.

+++++Scene+++++

The Fab Four had already eaten and were now simply relaxing under the tree, when they heard alarm bells blaring.

Claire raised an eyebrow. "What's going on?"

Helen grinned devilishly. "Just something I came up with."

"What did you _DO?!_" demanded Deneve, alarmed.

"I sabotaged the toilets early in the morning! Applause, please!"

A long silence.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"What's with you guys?!"

Deneve hit her on the head. Hard.

"What was that for!"

"...If anyone asks, I don't know you." declared Deneve.

"...Me too." replied Claire.

"Same here." agreed Miria.

"Hey!"

+++++Scene+++++

Isley had finished ranting. Rigaldo looked mildly annoyed. Priscilla had buried her face in her hands. Raki didn't know what to say. And the alarm bells blaring only added to the awkwardness.

Isley, now grinning happily, began walking away.

"Well, good to meet you, Raki! I hope we can be friends! Guys have to stick together! But..."

His grin turned dangerous.

"If you ever do _anything _to hurt my Priscilla, I will castrate you and feed your genitals to the dogs. And I will LAUGH, do you hear me?!"

Raki gulped. "Y-yes sir!"

"Good. Let's roll, Rigaldo. Bye, Priscilla, dear~!"

And off he went. Rigaldo followed, but not before giving Raki one last warning.

"...He's serious. I've seen him do it."

Priscilla choked back a sob.

...Damn, he hated this place.

+++++Scene+++++

It had taken most of the lunch break to assure Priscilla that they were still friends, and no, he wasn't going to let himself be castrated by her insane brother. She didn't seem to believe him. Frankly, he wasn't sure about things, himself.

The sun was already setting when Raki went home. He found Teresa in the living room, watching TV.

"Hey. Claire's taking a nap. How was school?" she asked in a worried tone.

"It wasn't as bad as I thought." he replied.

"Really?" Teresa smiled.

"...It was _worse."_

_..._Aaaaaaaaaaaand she was worried again. "Huh?"

"Nothing good happened today. NOTHING."

"Are you sure about that?"

There were times that Raki wondered if Teresa had telepathy, and this was one of those times, because as soon as she said that, his mind thought of a certain girl.

_I'm Priscilla. _

_Do you need a reason to help someone?_

"...Okay, maybe _one_ good thing."

His sister smiled her faint smile.

End Chapter II

_A/N: Okay, Isley-Oniichan was so much fun to write. He's my favorite Abyssal, so expect to see him often. And Rigaldo, too! Also, I'm actually pulling __things out of my ass __here so any suggestions are welcome._


	3. Chapter 3

Claymore Academy Chapter III

Raki's Title: Damn you, extracurricular activities!

Claire's Title: The Hunting Party or I learn to hate dogs.

It was a beautiful Saturday morning, and Raki's first weekend since he started to go to Claymore Academy. It was supposed to be a day of relaxation, of peace. Too bad it didn't turn out that way.

Raki woke up to the sounds of people arguing. That was odd. Why would there be people arguing in his room? And were those _male_ voices? Was he dreaming or something?

"Let's just wake him up!"

"...Do it yourself."

"Where's my pie?!"

Hey, those first two voices sounded vaguely familiar. He tried to think, but man, he was still so sleepy...

"Damn it, Rigaldo!"

" I said do it yourself!"

_Waitaminute. _Isley and Rigaldo?! He opened his eyes and sat bolt upright, wildly looking around.

Oh, sweet Twin Goddesses! He was right. They were IN HIS ROOM. Right there, looking nonchalant, as if nothing was wrong.

"Sup?" asked Isley goodnaturedly, whilst munching on Raki's secret chocolate stash and playing a fighting game on Raki's PS3. Wow, talk about making himself at home.

Raki's eyes twitched. Unable to speak, he shifted his gaze from Isley to a still-bored-looking Rigaldo, who gave him a "not-my-idea" look.

Someone burped, and Raki remembered that he had heard _three_ voices in his room. Sure enough, there was another person there, happily eating the apple pie that Teresa had baked for him.

The guy, yes, yet another male, was absolutely huge. His muscles looked like they could crush rocks, and he had the face of a thug. He also had a great big goofy grin on his face.

"Man, this pie is awesome!" he commented.

"Really? I should try some." replied Isley.

Finally, Raki was able to speak again. And the first sound to come out of his mouth? A scream that was halfway between enraged and terrified.

"WHAT?! WHY-! WHO IS THIS GUY?!" he roared.

Isley had the nerve to look confused. "Who, him? That's Dauf. He's a friend of ours from a different school. He said he wanted to come with."

"Sup?"

Raki twitched.

"HOW DID YOU EVEN GET IN?!"

"Through the window!" said Isley, quite proud of himself.

"WHY?!"

Isley grinned. "I thought you'd never ask!"

He whipped out a flyer from who know where and practically shoved it into Raki's face. It said: "Claymore Academy Student Clubs and Organizations Fair: Choose the Extracurricular Activity for YOU!", along with some sickeningly bright and happy slogan like "WE WANT YOU TO EXCEL IN SCHOOL!" and "CLAYMORE ACADEMY LOVES YOU!".

"W-what the hell?!"

Isley looked at him disapprovingly. "Do you not know, young Raki?! All freshmen are REQUIRED to attend the fair! Did you not listen to the announcement yesterday?!"

Okay, he got him there. He had missed the announcements because he had been asleep in class yesterday. But still...

"Why do you care so much about the fair anyway?!"

Isley grinned smugly. "I _happen _to be the manager/coordinator of this year's fair. It is my DUTY to see to it that every freshman goes! I've already made my dear Priscilla go earlier!"

Poor Priscilla.

Raki twitched again. Isley continued to grin. Rigaldo sighed. Dauf continued to devour the pie.

...And then Raki snapped.

"OUT!"

+++++++++++++++++Scene+++++++++++++++++++++++

Teresa woke up to the sound of screaming. She sat up from her bed, slightly groggy and wondering what the hell was going on.

"OUT! OUT!"

She raised an eyebrow. That...was Raki's voice. Oh, man, what's happening?!

Alarmed, Teresa got out of bed, opened her closet, pulled out the one "gift" that Uncle Rubel had given them, and went to her brother's room.

She did not expect what she found there. There were three men in her little brother's bedroom.

Okaaaaaaaaaaaay, that sentence was disturbing in so many levels.

"Oh, hi! Are you Raki's sister? I'm Isley~!" asked Isley cheerfully.

Raki twitched again.

Teresa had no idea what was going on, but she was sure it wasn't anything good. She raised the "gift" and aimed it at Isley.

Isley actually looked alarmed. "Is that a _shotgun?!"_

Teresa smiled. "Not really. It just shoots rubber bullets. But that WILL hurt. Especially here." She pointed the gun at Isley's groin.

Isley gulped. Rigaldo looked mildly interested. Dauf was still eating.

"H-hey, no need to get violent! It ill suits a lady of your beau-"

"Shut up. You said your name was Isley?"

He nodded.

"I heard about what you did to my little brother. Now get out of here before I shoot."

"Yes, Ma'am! Rigaldo! Dauf! Let's run!"

And he grabbed his friends and ran like hell out. As they left, Raki and Priscilla could still hear Dauf's complaining. "I didn't finish the pie!"

Raki looked at his sister gratefully. "Thanks. I...didn't think anyone would do _that!"_

Teresa sighed. "Don't mention it. But...they were lucky that Claire wasn't here. She would have shot first and asked questions never."

"Where IS Claire, anyway?" asked Raki.

"Well..."

++++++++++++Scene+++++++++++++++++++++++

"Can someone remind me what the HELL we're doing here?!" complained Helen, as she tripped on a log.

"Shut up, Helen! This is your fault anyway!" growled Deneve.

"Just focus on the job. We can go home once we're done." That was Miria, with her usual calmness.

Claire sighed. How did this happen again? Why was she and her friends out here in the school's woods (Yes, the school has a a private forest. It's that big.) instead of relaxing at home? It was a Saturday for crying out loud!

_**A few hours ago, Claymore Academy Student Council Room:**_

"What do you mean you have a job for us?!" demanded Helen, frantically waving her hands for emphasis.

Galatea, a member of the council, and daughter of Ermita, one of the board of directors, sighed and sipped her tea. "Exactly what I said. Are you hard of hearing?"

"But! Why ME?! I mean, us! It's a Saturday! I HAVE A LIFE!" screamed Helen.

Galatea narrowed her eyes at Helen. "Whose fault was the toilet fiasco again?"

"Oh. Er...Um, sorry?"

Deneve hit Helen on the head. "Moron."

Miria sighed. "Fine. We accept the responsibility."

"What's the job anyway?" asked Claire.

"...I thought you'd never ask. I want you to find my baby. He's lost in the woods." replied Galatea.

Helen gasped. "Your _baby?!_ Teenage pregnancy!"

The other three stared at her like she was crazy.

Galatea looked scandalized. "What?! _No._ I meant my dog, Paburo!"

"...Your dog. You are kidding, right?" muttered Helen.

"It's either this or detention."

"Okaaaaaaaaaaaaaay. Let's go find that poor little doggie! Paburo Hunting Party. move out!" screamed Helen, a little bit hysterically.

"...That name sounds familiar." commented Claire.

_**Now:**_

"Aaaaaaaaagh. Stupid logs. Stupidbugs. Stupid woods. Stupid dog. Stupid _Glamour Girl!"_ grumbled Helen.

"Honestly, Helen! Do you ever quit whining!"

"Shut it, Deneve. Complaining makes me feel better!"

"Will you both cut it out?!" said Claire, now annoyed.

And that was when they heard a dog's bark from straight ahead.

"Aha!" and Helen ran straight towards the sound, heedless of her much less insane companions.

"Helen! Wait! _Damn it!"_

...Scratch that, they ran after her.

++++++++++++++++++++Scene++++++++++++++++++

This sucked. Today was a terrible day. Utterly terrible. The worst part? _Isley was right about the fair. _Raki HAD to go. It was non negotiable. Which meant he had to go to an extracurricular activities fair that was managed by aforementioned insane bishounen. Oh, joy.

It was with a heavy heart that Teresa let her little brother go to the fair. Raki had wanted to take the shotgun with him, but Teresa had vetoed that idea. Too many witnesses.

Sighing, Raki made his way towards certain doom.

The fair was located right at the middle of the school's central park, so Raki had no trouble finding it. And dear sweet Twin Goddesses, it was as annoyingly bright and loud as he expected. Every single club and organization in the school had their own booth or stall and each and every one had it's own gimmick. Combine that with the loud noises of students, and it gave the impression of one of those traveling circuses.

Raki had absolutely no idea what to do. Fortunately for him, a familiar voice called for him just then.

"Raki!"

Smiling, he turned to see a worried-looking Priscilla walking towards him.

"There you are! Isley didn't do anything too bad, right? He said he was going to get you to come here..." she said.

"It's fine. Teresa handled him." he replied.

"Handled him? How?"

"...With a shotgun."

There was an awkward silence. Thankfully, Priscilla was tactful enough to change the subject.

"A-anyway, what club are you going to join?"

"...I dunno."

She smiled. "Well, since we're both here, how about I show you around?"

He smiled back. "That would be great!"

He just hoped that Isley wouldn't somehow ruin this...

+++++++++++++++SCENE++++++++++++++++

Claire, Miria and Deneve ran after Helen, cursing under their breaths.

"Goddamnit. I _will kill her!"_ growled Deneve.

"Assuming she doesn't get herself killed first." replied Miria.

"We're still on campus. How could she get herself killed?" said Claire.

"It's _Helen._" was Miria's only reply.

...And as if to prove Miria's words, a screaming Helen came running towards them.

"There you are!" yelled Deneve.

...And she ran past them.

"What the hell?!"

"Can't stop! Bees! RUN YOU FOOOOOOOOOOOOLS!"

"Bees?"

Then they heard an angry buzzing sound from the direction Helen came from.

"_Shit."_

And they ran.

Somehow, they managed to catch up to Helen. Claire suspected that the fear of being stung had something to do with that.

"What the hell did you do?! Smack your head into a hive?!" demanded Deneve.

"Um..."

"YOU ACTUALLY DID?!"

"Guys, less talk, more run. They're catching up to us." said Miria, who was now sounding annoyed.

Claire had no intention of turning to see if Miria was right. Hell, she didn't even bother looking at her surroundings. All she was focused on was running. And running.

"Claire, stop!"

Why would she stop?! The bees were...

"...the lake, you idiot!"

She tripped.

SPLASH.

And suddenly she was under water.

And her last thought was that putting a lake inside a school campus was a stupid idea...

+++++++AFEWMINUTESLATER!+++++++

Claire woke up cold, miserable and sore. Not to mention topless. And there was someone's face on top of hers.

"You're awake!"

"JEAN?!"

Jean backed away, and Claire sat up, covering her chest.

"W-what are you d-doing here?" she asked through chattering teeth. Damn, the lake was cold.

"She rescued you." said Miria, who was standing close to them.

"...And gave you CPR for far longer than necessary." grunted Deneve.

"...We couldn't stop her, mate." said Helen, looking apologetic.

Jean was just grinning and looking proud of herself. "I think I saved your life! I told you that you could count on me!"

"...Okay. Ignoring the questionable CPR, thank you, Jean."

Jean grinned at her some more. "It's no problem."

"...Where's my top?"

Miria threw it at her.

"...Thanks."

"Well, Claire, you really should look where you're going, you can't find the dog if you get yourself drowned. Seriously, take care of yourself." said Jean.

"Yeah, it was a really stupid mistake, I'm sorry for causing trouble."

...Then something hit her.

"Wait. How do you know about the dog?"

Jean looked slightly uncomfortable. "Er..."

"Hey, she's right. What's up with that?" said Helen.

"Er..."

"Jean. Spit it out." grunted Claire.

"...I wasn't stalking you, I swear."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"I said I wasn't!"

Fortunately for her, something decided to show itself right at that moment. And by something, I meant a large golden retriever, on the opposite bank of the lake.

They all looked at each other. And then...

"GET THAT DOG!"

++++++++++++++Scene+++++++++++++++++

The universe hated him. He had those thoughts before, but damn it, after today, there really was no doubt anymore.

Raki sighed. Priscilla looked at him with sympathy.

"I'm sure we'll find a club for you..." she began saying.

"Priscilla. We've gone around this place for hours, and tried almost everything. I appreciate the help, but let's face it."

"But..."

Indeed, they had tried almost everything. And they were all disasters. Be it music ("Ohgoddessesmyears!" "Raki, your singing is like the sound of a dying cat." "Gee, thanks, don't sugarcoat it at all, miss Simone Cowell."), art ("What's that supposed to be?" "Er, a self portrait?" "...It looks like the lovechild of Quasimodo and the Phantom of the Opera."), basketball ("Don't shoot it at your own damn ring!") hell, he's even tried _wrestling._ ("Undine, you're killing him!" "Someone get a doctor!")

...Damn, he never knew he was such a loser. "Okay, Priscilla, how about this? I'll join the club that you're joining."

To his astonishment, she blushed.

"Um, I don't think that's a good idea."

"Why? Come on, Pris, it's my only hope!"

"Um, I can't tell you. But it's really a bad idea..."

"What? You think I can't take it?"

"N-no!"

"What club is it anyway?"

Her response was barely audible. "...The Magical Girls Lover club."

Well.

Damn.

"Oh."

...And suddenly, Isley and Rigaldo from out of nowhere. And what the hell, they were carrying swords?!

"Ah, Raki! You still haven't found a club? Join ours!"

"Hell no."

Isley chuckled. "Oh, come on! You haven't even seen us in action! Watch in awe as we demonstrate the noble art of SWORDSMANSHIP!"

"Isn't that dangerous?"

"Not at all! Rigaldo! Let us spar."

Riglado rolled his eyes, but drew his sword. The sword itself was...big. A claymore, Raki thought. Heh.

And then the sparring began, and it felt like something changed inside him. It seemed to him like every strike and parry, every block, every dodge was perfectly elegant and calculated. Hell, he'd go as far as say like it was a dance of blades, as corny as that sounded. Right then and there, he decided. That was what he wanted to do!

"...I'm in."

"Eh?" said Isley, narrowly avoiding a forward thrust from Rigaldo.

"I said I wanted to join."

The two combatants stopped fighting.

Priscilla looked at him, like she had trouble believing what he said. "A-are you sure?"

"Yeah."

Isley grinned. "Excellent. Sign here!"

He pulled out a piece of paper from who-knows-where.

Raki signed it without hesitation.

+++++++AFEWMINUTESLATER+++++

Isley was still grinning even after Raki and Priscilla left. And when he couldn't bear it any longer, he let loose an evil laugh that would make any villain proud.

Rigaldo raised an eyebrow . "What are you thinking?"

"That everything went perfectly! We have a new member, and I can keep an eye on that boy, as well as train him to be worthy of my Priscilla!"

"...You..."

"Indeed. Everything went according to plan."

"...No more Death Note for you."

"Hey!"

+++++++++++++++++++++++Scene++++++++++++++

The Fab Four plus Jean were back at the student council room, feeling tired but triumphant.

"Well?" asked Galatea.

"It wasn't easy, but we did it!" crowed Helen.

"Heeeeeeeeeeere's Paburoooooooo!"

And they parted to reveal the golden retriever, successfully captured.

Unfortunately, Galatea's reaction was totally unexpected.

"That's not him."

"Huh?"

Galatea sighed. "Exactly what I said. Paburo is a poodle, not a retriever."

It took a few seconds for that to sink in.

And then Helen _**EXPLODED.**_

_**"ASDDSFFSHSHFHSGHJ?!"**_

++++++++++++++++Scene++++++++++

It was late when Claire finally returned home, and she was in a terrible mood.

"How was your day?" asked Teresa.

Claire replied with a noncommittal grunt.

Teresa smiled. "Oh, cheer up. Raki was really happy when he got home. Something about a club."

Claire smiled as well. "At least one of us had a good day..."

End Chapter III.

_**A/N: Whoo. Long hiatus is long. Sorry bout that.**_


End file.
